Lost Children

The summer was so problematical for my two brothers and me since Mama’s deletion from our lives. Our mother was MIA, our father severely depressed, and if it had not been for us, he mostly likely would have committed suicide.
When Daddy left for work at night, we got braver with each night. So brave that when he left for work, we leaped out of bed and ran around the house like little wild Indians. I do not remember how we occupied ourselves, but I do remember watching television until it went off the air at midnight with the song Star Spangle Banner playing. I also remember a lot of picking at each other that followed by quarreling and skirmishing. Those memories still lie dormant in the subconscious.

We were now accustomed to our nightly rituals. By staying awake and causing havoc all night, the ghosts did not have a chance with us. Daddy returned from work at 6 o-clock in the mornings, so we jumped into the bed, pulled the covers over our heads, and pretended to be asleep.

Daddy had difficulty sleeping during the day and constantly scolded us for waking him. One day, I had the bright idea of sneaking into his room, go through his pants’ pocket, and take his loose change, and we would walk to Walker’s Grocery Store where we could be some food. As kids, we headed straight for the candy section, which gave us a new burst of energy.

As we were sitting on the curb in our bare feet eating candy bars, I saw a tall building towering over the trees in town. I looked at my brothers and said, “Come on, we’re going to town.” Passerby’s looked at us with gaped mouths . . . three stair-steppers traipsing down the sidewalk barefoot without adult supervision. I pretended not to notice.

Walking down the sidewalk, I looked up, and I could see the Baker Hotel just a block away. At the time, I thought of it as the largest building I had ever seen. I mustered up the courage for us to walk to town. Holding hands, we walked several blocks until we finally reached it. We walked up the steps that led to the front doors. A man dress in a uniform opened the doors for us and was very friendly, so we walked in. We knew right away that it was a castle. Trying to act as if grownup, I saw a door opening where the aroma of food drifted outside. I tugged at my brothers and motioned to follow me. As we walked in, I could not believe my eyes. Since it was morning, there was a spread of every kind of pastry, juices, milk, and coffee. We were so hungry. An elderly man in uniform with a napkin on his arm bent down and asked if we would like breakfast. We nodded our heads, and he led us to a table with white linen tablecloths and silverware. Soon afterwards, a woman served us bacon, eggs, grits, toast, jelly, and milk. I was a bit apprehensive about the food presented to us, wondering why the people were giving us food. My brothers, eyes focused on me, followed my lead, and we began eating. We ate so much that we developed tummy aches.

I watched the entrance closely, and I noticed that when everyone finished eating, they left through the same door, so after we finished, I told my brothers it was time to leave. It did not know it was customary to pay for meals. As we were approaching the door, the woman who served us asked if she should charge our meal to our room. Luckily, there was an elderly couple following behind us, and the man spoke up and told her to put our meals on his account. Consequently, we continued out the door and then ran toward the outside doors.

The door attendant opened the door for us once again; we walked out, and sat on the steps. I looked at my two brothers, and said, “Now, we know where to get food.”

Being the oldest, I knew there was something terribly wrong in our lives – a very important person was missing in our lives. As children, we did not understand the meaning of emotional and physical abandonment. Reflecting, I understand now that Daddy was severely depressed and practically non-functional. We had no relatives in town to watch over us, so we learned to fend for ourselves. It was heart wrenching knowing that Mama was not coming home. My little brothers were continually asking, “When is Mama coming home”? I would change the subject immediately, so they would not cry. I did not know, and Daddy always changed the subject when I brought it up.

After some time, I understood it was up to me to care for my little brothers. Since I was going to be the responsible one, I decided our life would be a life of adventures. During summers, we stayed in town at the Baker Hotel. There, the help had become accustomed to our appearance and took care of us. They would feed us and let us ride the elevators, run up and down the halls. From there, we would walk down the sidewalk to Welcome Mountain, the highest hill in Mineral Wells. There was always something lying around that we could use to slide on. Once we found our slide tins, we climbed it and then we would slide until we reached the foot. It was terrifying, yet thrilling at the same time. Many times, we faced our demise.

Then afterwards, there were the walks along the railroad tracks and listening for the train traveling the railroad tracks. When we saw it coming, it tooted its horn since it crossed a street up ahead. That is when we were heroic by daring each other to cross the tracks just before the train was to pass. Racing to beat the train was the highlight of our day.

Daddy usually was up around two o’clock, so by then we were almost home. The rest of the day, we plopped down wherever and slept until Daddy woke us up and informed us he was going to work. As he was walking out, he said, “I cooked a pot of red beans if you kids get hungry.”

As an eleven year old, I was ill equipped to be a mother, but as months turned into years, I watched the interaction between my friends and their families. I slowly learned a few things. Our house should be clean, the dishes washed, clean clothes hanging on the line, delicious meals served three times a day with snacks, and we were to wear shoes. I inherited the role of mother since I was the oldest and a girl. As a young responsible girl, I grew into a responsible adult and caring for those in need.

~ It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually. ~ M. Scott Peck